Nonsence
by Cracked and Broken
Summary: Cat jokes i picked up on the internet and interveiws. HILARIOUS! MUST READ! INTERVEIWS AND HIDDEN THINGS! [did you know Firestars intials are RAPER? And that Hawkfrost and Brambleclaw are players?]
1. Cat Joke

Take time and read each sentence

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of ever line


	2. Firestar Interveiw

Ok since someone asked me to update with something funny again, I obliged. Have fun with this (I sure did)

Reporter: Hello, this is your reporter here to bring you a live interview of the heroic cat, Firestar!

Firestar: Hello

Reporter: Now Firestar, what is you name?

Firestar: Um… Firestar?

Reporter: Very good! Now, Firestar, what is the name of you nephew, Cloudtail?

Firestar: Uh… Cloudtail?

Reporter: Brilliant! Firestar, when you battle Scourge and BloodClan, you lost your deputy Whitestorm, am I right?

Firestar: yes, that's true.

Reporter: And is it also true you like to chase hot chicks?

Firestar: I do not like to chase poor baby chickens on fire!

Reporter: Right, we all know that! Now, Is it also true that you plan to take over the forest and only a select group of cats loyal to you will enslave all of the forest and eventually take over the world?

Firestar: What? I would never do that?

Reporter ignores him: beautiful! Firestar, I am also informed that you are very close to your wife, Sandstorm, and kits, Squirrelpaw and Leafpaw, but is it also true that you've been matchmaking Dustpelt and Ferncloud, Brackenfur and Sorreltail, and Brambleclaw, so of the evil Tigerstar, and you own daughter Squirrelpaw?

Firestar: What! Where do you get these mouse-brained questions? From the elders?

Reporter: no, Firestar, I got them from you sister Princess! By the way, what is your sisters' name?

Firestar: I can't take anymore of this! storms out of the room

Reporter: Wonderful! Join us next time when we interview the ThunderClan deputy, Graystripe!


	3. Graystripe's Interveiw

Reporter: Hello this is your beautiful and radiant reporter! I no you all read my interview with Firestar (what a sensitive fellow!) and no I'm here with his deputy Graystripe!

Graystripe: Hello, reporter.

Reporter: alright, Graystripe, what is your favorite color?

Graystripe: Err… I like the color gray if that's what you asking.

Reporter: Wonderful! Now Graystripe, if you had a choice, would you bring Silverstream back from the dead? No matter how decayed and rotten she was?

Graystripe: Yes! Of course!

Reporter: and is it also true that you are hitting on Feathertail?

Graystripe: What? You can't be serious, I mean she looks and acts like Silverstream but that doesn't mean I love her like a mate!

Reporter: Right… And is it also true that, before Sandstorm loved Firestar, you were having an affair with her?"

Graystripe: Great StarClan where do you get these stupid questions?

Reporter: Rabbits, now Graystripe, I have a cat, a beautiful cat at that, a long-haired gray she-cat just like you, would you like to meet her sometime?

Graystripe: I would not like to! I am loyal to Silverstream!

Reporter: Yes. But what about Firestar, I mean, he loved Spottedleaf, but then he fell in love with Sandstorm, and you know, Silverbrook is not half-bad looking.

Graystripe: Oh, you're kittypet's name is Silverbrook? Well I am still loyal to Silver_stream_

Reporter: Whatever, and is it also true that you passed information to BloodClan during the attack and planned to kill Firestar with your own two claws?

Graystripe: What! Now this interview is just insane!

Reporter (sweeps on ignoring Graystripe): and is it also true that the medicine cat Cinderpelt wanted to have you kits for a while before she became a medicine cat?

Graystripe: No! Cinderpelt is my friend! Come on! Let me make this perfectly clear…

Reporter (cuts Graystripe off): and is it also true that your former apprentice Brackenfur once had an affair with a kittypet?

Graystripe: That's it! I'm leaving this mouse-brained interview! (Storms out of the room.)

Reporter: What a shame, by facing the truth Graystripe humiliates himself and causes embarrassment to his family. Oh well, next time, well will be interviewing the little lady of Firestar, Sandstorm!


	4. An Old Saying

People who don't like cats were probably mice in their past lives.


	5. Sandstorm Interveiw

Reporter: Hello and welcome to another interview of the Warrior Cats. Today I am interviewing the beautiful she-cat who caught the eye of Firestar, Sandstorm!

Sandstorm: Hi.

Reporter: Well, Sadstorm, it's a pleasure to have you on my interview talk show (or read show), how does it feel to be here today?

Sandstorm: Wonderful and my name is SANDstorm, not Sadstorm.

Reporter: Right, Sandface. Anyway, how are your kits Squirrelpaw and Leafcloud?

Sandstorm: SandSTORM and they're fine, thank you. Leafpaw it turning out to be a great medicine cat.

Reporter: Oh and Squirrelpaw isn't, Sootstorm?

Sandstorm: It's SANDstorm and Squirrelpaw is turning into a great warrior!

Reporter: Well why didn't you say that Ginger?

Sandstorm: IT'S SANDSTORM YOU NIMROD AND I DIDN'T SAY THAT BECAUSE I WAS COMMENTING ON LEAFPAW!

Reporter: Oh so your taking sides, Sandpelt?

Sandstorm, loosing her temper: I do not take sides when it comes to my kits! And once again my name is Sandstorm!

Reporter: Fine, Fine, Fine. Now SandSTORM are you friends with Graystripe?

Sandstorm: yes

Reporter: And you love your husband?

Sandstorm: yes

Reporter: And you're a psycho to be talking to a twoleg?

Sandstorm: Yes. Wait! N…

Reporter: Tut-tut Sandy, you must NEVER admit these things on a talk (read) show.

Sandstorm: SANDSTORM!

Reporter: Whatever, and is it also true that when Firestar was deputy (Books Four threw Five) you were having an affair with his nephew, Cloudtail?

Sandstorm: THAT'S IT I'M LEAVING THIS MOUSE-BRAINED TALK (read) SHOW AND I'M GOING HOME TO FIRESTAR! AND, 'REPORTER' MY NAME FOR STARCLAN'S SAKE IS SANDSTORM!

Sandstorm storms (funny sounding) out of the room and reporter shakes her beautiful and elegant head (fudge I have a wedgie right now)

Reporter: Poor Sandclaw (somewhere in the distance a yowl of 'SANDSTORM' is heard) just like Graystripe, camphorating the past isn't easy. Oh well, she'll get over it, and next time we'll resurrect Tigerclaw/star from the dead and give him an interview (Mwahahaha, I plan to make this one somehow extra-funnier!)


	6. How Many Cats?

How many CATS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Persian: "Light bulb? What light bulb?"

Somali: "The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're worrying about a burned out light bulb?"

Norwegian Forest Cat: "Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to date, too."

Cornish Rex: "Hey Guys, I've found the switch."

Sphynx : "Turn it back on again, I'm cold."

Singapura: "I'll just blow in the Fox Cat ear and he'll do it."

Siamese: "Make me!"

Birman: "Puh-leeez, dahling. I have servants for that kind of thing."

Maine Coon: "Oh, me, me! Pleeeeeeaze let me change the light bulb! Can I, huh? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?"

Exotic: "Let the Fox Cat do it. You can feed me while he's busy."

Manx: "Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark."

Russian Blue: "While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch."

Korat: "Korats are not afraid of the dark."

British SH: "Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I ate was a light bulb?"

Turkish Angora: "You need light to see?"

British Moggy: "None, catnap time is too precious to waste!"


	7. Cats Cats Cats

First say Cats in front of each word

Cats

About

Talk

To

Idiot

This

Got

I

Long

How

Look

Then put the word Cats after every word

Then put the word Cats before and after each word

Now read from the bottom up


	8. Tigerstar Interveiw

Alrighty this is the big one every ones been waiting for... TIGERSTAR'S INTERVEIW!

ENJOY

Reporter: Hello this is you gorgeous, shimmering, beautiful, radiant, stunning, striking, and attentive, mouse-haired, thin-wasted amber-eyed reporter here to interview the bad, wrong, depraved, dark, immoral, wanton, black, iniquitous, nefarious, peccant, reprobate, sinful, vicious, wicked, malevolent…

Tigerstar: SHUT UP ALREADY!

Reporter, ignores him: Tigerstar! Here he is in his horribly deformed and decapitated form as a lonely corpse resurrected from the dead!

Tigerstar: Am not! I am in my full flesh and blood, and as handsome as ever.

Reporter: That's what they WANT you to think, Tigerclaw. Right, into the questions. Is it true that you fell in love with Goldenflower of ThunderClan?

Tigerstar: Indeed. We had two beautiful kits, Brambleclaw and Tawnypelt. Tawnypelt was s…

Reporter, finishes him: stupid enough to join ShadowClan! Now is it true you had more then one litter of kits?

Tigerstar: Yes, I have Hawkfrost and Mothwing in RiverClan, Hawkfrost is the…

Reporter, cuts him off again: idiot just like his father!

Tigerstar, flares up at the beautiful reporter: Hawkfrost is not an idiot!

Reporter: Ah, so you still are?

Tigerstar: No!

Reporter: That's not what you said, though. So logically you are stupid, and was beaten by two different kittypets.

Tigerstar, sniffs: Firestar is a weak leader! I made a much better impression on the forest! I would've ruled if it wasn't for Scourge!

Reporter: Ah, but once again, you were beaten by a kittypet with no proper Clan, that was smaller and older then you, and had frequently lost more then five members of his clan?

Tigerstar: That was because…

Reporter cuts him off for the fourth time: you're a complete nimrod and was dumb enough to fall for Scourges stupid tricks even a mouse could see. He was planning the same as you, Tigerstar, he planned to drive you out of the forest in order to rule over all.

Tigerstar: Not! _I_ was going to drive _him _out. Then I could truly be at ease with all of the Clans under my watchful eye.

Reporter: Ah, yet your 'watchful eye' could not see Scourge backstabbing you. Last question, is it true you mated with four other cats including my cat Silverbrook?

Tigerstar (sniffs): so what if I did. I need heirs. And no stupid twoleg is going to tell me different!

Reporter leaps at Tigerstar and begins pounding him in the back of the head: You shall die, Tigerstar! Die! Die! Die!

Tigerstar (chokes out): I'm already dead though!

----------------------------------

Alright, we can finally say that this will and is the last joke I shall ever post on this story… May StarClan be with you!

Sock Lover, Mooncloud


	9. Bluestar Interveiw

Side One: sigh why I all of StarClans name am I doing this?

Side Two: Because you love getting reviews, and you swore to serve the public and create talk (read) shows.

Side Three: well. _I_ say that this whole this was a complete waste of time.

Side One: sigh I guess on with the talk (read) show.

Reporter: Hello this is your stunning reporter back with more kitty-cat interview of the forest Tribes! Today we're interviewing the wise and skilled ThunderClan leader, BLUESTAR!

Bluestar: Hello, erm, hi. My name's Bluestar, and uh, I'm on a talk (read) show right now gulp. Oh, uh, and it's the forest _Clans_ not Tribes.

Reporter: whatever. Now Bluestar, tell me about your life.

Bluestar: well, I was born from the ThunderClan warrior Sootspots, who is now One-Eye. (While she is talking, the beautiful reporter begins filing her very long, pointy nails and pretends to be listening with an occasional giving an 'uhuh' and 'interesting'. Finally Bluestar noticed she-s not paying attention and stops to stare at her.) And I finally became a warrior when… (At this point she noticed the reporter is not listening.)

Reporter: Uhuh, yep, that's right, cool, nice, yup, ok, uhuh (the gorgeous reporter suddenly realizes that Bluestar had stopped talking.) Oh! Um, yah, very interesting, Bluestar. Err, how about we talk about your kits, Mistyfur and Stonefoot.

Bluestar whiskers twitch irritably: That's Misty_foot_ and Stone_fur_. And they're doing just fine. Well, at least Mistyfoot is, Stonefur died when Blackstar killed him d… (Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep Bluestar, during this time, curses an unmanageably long time, it is surprising her little kitty-cat lungs can hold so much air)

Reporter cuts her neck using her hand to signal for Bluestar to stop and hastily she does: Whew, Bluestar, I'll alert you when I want to start using a hearing aid. You sure know a lot of Twoleg swear words. ANYWAY, Bluestar, how did you fall for Oakheart, the RiverClan deputy, when there was a cat right in front of you who loved you?

Bluster (hesitates): there was a cat in ThunderClan who loved me?

Reporter sighs: RECAP PLEASE.

Book Four, Rising Storm, Page 142.

"_Yes, what is it?" asked Bluestar (that's YOU)_

"_I…I just was wondering if you were hungry." Fireheart stammered._

"_Oh." Bluestar (you AGAIN) sounded puzzled, "Thank you, but **WHITESTORM** already brought me something." She dipped her head towards the half-eaten pigeon that lay on the floor in her den._

Reporter: Ring any bells?

Bluestar: Fireheart?...

Reporter: NO! NO! NO! It's WHITESTORM you mouse-brained person! He loved you! He loved you even before you met Oakheart!

Bluestar: Whitestorm…loved me?

Reporter sighs again: Do we REALLY have to go back to the recap?

Bluestar: Alright, Alright, I get it. Whitestorm did love me. But I did love him, for a short while, he was a wise, and experienced warrior. I loved him for a short time before I met Whitestorm, but he was to intent on serving his Clan, while all I wanted was love.

Reporter: …………………CHEESEY MUCH! Goodness where do get these stupid and corny lines! sigh well, we're done with the interview; this is your beautiful and stunning reporter, with wavy-strait locks of dark brown hair and gorgeous hazel-rimmed chestnut eyes.

Bluestar: And the wise and strong ThunderClan leader Bluestar!

Reporterpauses: wise and strong? You broke down after you learned that Tigerstar was a traitor! Goodness! A MOUSE has more brawn then you! Once again, this is you beautiful reporter signing off from interviewing your unwise and weak ThunderClan kit, Bluekit!

Bluestar: Wha? Oh no you don't!

(the picture ends with Bluestar tackling the beautiful reporter, who begins to pull objects like stoves and dishwashers out of her pockets in order to protect herself and make a blockade to protect herself from the violent and crazy manic cat trying to get her as she hangs from the top of a chandelier.


	10. Gum

I took a break from writing narrations, real story my freind let me use, enjoy!

* * *

Ferncloud and Mousefur were chatting outside of the ThunderClan camp. They were waiting for Dustpelt to go on a Hunting patrol when Brackenfur and Brambleclaw came up to them, fallowed by Ashfur, Sootfur, Rainwhisker, and Graystripe.

"You're chewing on gum," they all meowed at Ferncloud at once, Ferncloud glanced uneasily at Mousefur, she was indeed chewing on a piece of gum she had found in her nest. But Mousefur was giving her the same look as everyone else.

"Yah… I'm chewing gum…" she meowed uncertainly, suddenly Sootfur cried out.

"I WANNA STICK OF GUM!" and charged at Ferncloud. Startled, Ferncloud began running around the ThunderClan camp, trying to escape Sootfur. Brackenfur paused before turning dumbly to the group behind him.

"Want gum!" he yowled, and also began chasing Ferncloud, "WANT GUM! WANT GUM!" they chanted, and began chasing around Ferncloud. Mousefur, Squirrelpaw, Leafpaw, and even Cinderpelt limped rapidly after the gum chewing she-cat.

Finally Dustpelt came out of the warriors den and saw Ferncloud scrambling for cover behind him.

"Help me!" she cried, hiding as the group passed by, wondering where she was.

"Maybe she's in the Training Hallow!" yowled Graystripe, and the whole pack began running out of camp.

Ferncloud sighed, and Dustpelt demanded, "NOW will you tell me what's going on?"

Ferncloud smiled, showing the gum in her mouth, "Well, you see Brackenfur-"

"GUM!"


	11. Raper and Spuds

What happens when Sandstorm finds out what Firestars REAL name was in his Twoleg home? What happens when Graystripe goes bonkers for spuds? FIND OUT NOW!

Sandstorm was patrolling alone near the Twolegplace. As she leapt over a log, a scent wafted up her nose. Pricking her ears, she saw a black and white tom moving threw the undergrowth loudly nearby. With a snarl she leapt in front of the tom, who finched backwards.

"Who are you?"

"S-Smudge… I was looking for Rusty…"

"There's no Rusty here!"

"B-But when I saw him last he said his name was F-Firepaw…"

"Oh, Firestar? Why?"

"I-I wanted to ask him to come back home…"

"Firestar's happy here, he's the lead of ThunderClan and has two kits of his own. Which happens to be my daughters."

Smudge gasped, "Then you don't know!"

"Know what?" Sandstorm cocked his head to one side. Smudge edged closer.

"Rusty's initials are R.A.P.E.R." whispered Smudge. Then he started cracking up,

"R is for Rusty the rust-colored cat.

A is for Augustus the fat.

P is for Paranoid

E and R are Evil Raper and that's Rusty the cat."

He looked up, expecting to see Sandstorm laughing, but instead saw Firestars furious face. Ah, there was much blood shead that night.

* * *

Firestar and Sandstorm found Graystripe under a bush, rocking back and forth and muttering to himself.

"I swore I stole 100... But then… 98... 99... And NO ONE HUNDRED!" he began giggling madly and continued rocking back and forth, muttering, "where's my spud, where's my spud." he looked up to Firestar and Sandstorm, "Have you seen my little Poh-Tay-Tah-Toh?"

"Poh-Tay-Tah-Toe?" the two of them meowed in confusion.

Graystripe sighed and whipped a chalkboard and a chalk piece out of his furry coat. carefully he wrote on the chalk board: Poh-Tay-Toh + Poh-Tah-Toh Poh-Tay-Tah-Toh

Just then Brackenfur entered licking his lips, "My that was a great potato."

"YOU ATE MY POH-TAY-TAH-TO! YOU MUST DIE!" in a heartbeat Graystripe had his former apprentice in a headlock while Squirrelflight padded in with a potato in her mouth.

"Graystripe, how many times do I have to tell you not to roll your potatoes into my nest!"

Graystripe released Brackenfur from a headlock and snatched the potato away from Squirrelflight.

"Oh my dear Poh-Tay-Tah-Toh we will never be separated again."

Sandstorm looked cross, "Graystripe, your irritating me, I'll give you three seconds, Graystripe, to get moving."

"Oh quick, here, Firestar, take this book and tell every she-cat I've ever met that I love her."

"Holy Crap This book is packed. Graystripe, I have a problem."

"One…"

"What's that?"

"I can't read, and you can't write."

"Two…"

"Good point. So just tell Silverstream I love her."

"Silverstream is dead."

"Another good point gosh who mad you the point-"

"HOLY CRAP HERE SHE COMES! GET RUNNING GRAYSTRIPE!"

"What! NO! SHE HAS CLEATS ON!"

"MOVE! HEAD FOR THE HILLS! GET TO THE LAKE! DON'T FORGET TO WASH BEHIND YOUR EARS!"

Squirrelflight looked over to Firestar, "Do you think he'll be alright?"

"He? I'm more worried about Sandstorm. I just hope he doesn't have her slip a disk, I need her to go on patrol tomorrow."

Squirrelflight sighed, toms.


	12. Too long for a name!

Yup, the talk/read show is back! and took some construstive criticizem and made is a multiple character one! Expect more of these

* * *

Reporter: Hell-oo-oo! Your stunning reporter is back with a QUADRUPLE interview, everyone welcome Hawkfrost and Bramblestar, half brother and sons of that _hideous _Tigerstar.

_Somewhere in the crowd: **I heard that!**_

Reporter: And Squirrelflight and Leafpool, daughters of Firestar! Welcome everybody to the talk/read show! Now, Squirrelflight, I understand that you love Brambleclaw, but what do you feel about Hawkfrost?

Squirrelflight: I think he's a total hottie! Oh whoops, did I just say that aloud?

Hawkfrost; swells in pride, nearby Leafpool bats her eyes like an innocent little kit. But of course we know she's just as dark heart-ed as Tigerstar.

Brambleclaw: Hey what about me? I look just like Hawkfrost!

Squirrelflight: oh put a sock in it, Brambleclaw. _Shoves my old gym sock in mouth eww…_ Hawkfrost has cooler eyes then you, and plus, he's got a white belly.

Brambleclaw, grabs marshmallows and smears all over belly: look, I have a white belly too!

Squirrelflight: and the eyes…?

Brambleclaw; puts in contacts: Look, ice blue eyes!

Hawkfrost, cradling Leafpool in his lap: Honestly, Brambleclaw, to try way to much. I mean, you can only be born with this type of beauty.

Reporter: On to the next question! Alright, Brambleclaw, Squirrelflight, if you had kits, what would their name be?

Squirrelflight: ooh! Akit and Ekit!

Brambleclaw: are you insane? No, I like Ferocioustigerofdeathkit and Icycoldclawofshadowydeathkit.

Squirrelflight: NONONONO! Akit and Ekit! They're warrior names would be AbigfatloserspawnedbyBrambleclaw and EMc2!

Brambleclaw: I still think Ferocioustigerofdeathdeath and Icycoldclawofshadowdeathdeath is better!

Leafpool, from Hawkfrosts lap: What about Otterkit and Reedkit?

Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight in unison: hey, that sounds good.

Brambleclaw, narrows eyes: although Ferocioustigerofdeathdeath tops EMc2 any day.

Squirrelflight, sniffs: _I_ still like it though.

Reporter: Ah yes, well, now Hawkfrost, who would you rather mat with, Squirrelflight or Leafpool? This question goes to you too, Brambleclaw.

_Brambleclaw and Hawkfrost glance at each other._

Brambleclaw: Leafpool

Hawkfrost: Squirrelflight

_Leafpool and Squirrelflight chance places. Now Leafpool is being cradled in Brambleclaws lap and Squirrelflight in Hawkfrosts._

Squirrelflight: Brambleclaw you're such a player

Brambleclaw: Hawkfrost too

Squirrelflight: good point

Reporter: Alrighty then. Eh, alright, Brambleclaw, Hawkfrost, you will each rule your clan someday is what my psychic powers are telling me. And Tawnypelt will rule Shadowclan, and your halfhalfhalfhalfhalftwiceremovedandtippedovertomyauntssidewithaslabofbutterbrother is going to lead WindClan as Onestar!

Hawkfrost: stupid, he already leads that!

Brambleclaw: Yah, buts its cool that all of us are going to be leaders.

Hawkfrost: whatever.

Reporter: right… Ok, um now for Leafpool. When was the beining of time?

Leafpool: erm… oh! Exactly this time minus itself!

Reporter: er! Wrongo! The beginning of time was when I entered this world!

Brambleclaw: shut up, can't you see I'm trying to woo Leafpool here!

Squirrelflight: but she-s already been wooed by Crowfeather

Leafpool: who told you that!

Squirrelflight: a little birdy called a crow

Brambleclaw: be quiet both of you or I'll crush you like how I crushed Mudclaw!

Reporter: oh, speaking of Mudclaw, he wanted to talk to you today. Come on in!

_Enter Mudclaw, his body is half bones and he has no eyes walking like a zombie he cries/moans 'brainzzzzz…'in terror and panic, both Brambleclaw and Hawkfrost pick up their wooies and run out of the room with Mudclaw walking strangly stiffly after them._

Reporter: Ah, of well, they scratched. But, anyway, I hope you adored this edition of my talk/read show! Oh, and if you bump into Mudclaws brainzzz will you tell him! Please thank Hawkfrost and Brambleclaw, for beign such players! Aloha, Ahui ho!


End file.
